A pellch worker gently milks a tit
at Simpsens Farm

Pellch (pellchusis vulgaris) is one of the island’s most fun and largest crops (untamed bushes can grow bigger than a very big man standing on tiptoe). Pellch plants are the source of an alcohol of the same name, only available from approved outlets due to its fiery, potent nature which requires careful fermentation, not just shoving in some old jars in a corner. Pellch plants flourish in a limey, badly drained soil with careless, irregular watering, on slight inclines. The plants require regular stroking and calming, mainly first thing in the morning and around dusk. They like their leaves stroked. And whispering’s good, particularly by ladies. Pellch plants most distinctive feature, directly beneath the upper furry pelt, is the dangling teat, which is large and fat with a gorgeous purple hue. Each teat can have up to five udders, which need daily milking. The resulting chalky purple fluid is the basis for pellch alcohol, which demands cautious fermentation and a series of brewing processes before it can be safely drunk. Depending on the temperature at which pellch is imbibed, the alcoholic content increases or decreases (as detailed on all official pellch labels). Homebrew pellch is expressly forbidden. The most prolific pellchyards lie in the parish of Hoofan. The first officially recorded pellchyard was opened by Mr Carvon Feer (chalet 5) in cycletime 1260-la-la. The yard still produces one of the fruitiest spurtings of all pellchyards island wide. Young teatlings require careful training from the first pip-husk stage in window-houses at temperatures of no less than 55 pearsons (but no higher than 72). If exposed to cold-morn-crystals too soon, fledgling plants are liable to emit a powder (pale purplish/grey) and quickly wither, or get ‘dug-shrivel’ as it‘s traditionally known. Really dry plants turn very leathery and can be used as handbags - or small shoulderbags, if you‘re a man.
Moosic from Series 2 of 'This is Jinsy'
Moosic from Series 1 of 'This is Jinsy'
'All Islanders Sing Along Now! 2'
Download from iTunes
'All Islanders Sing Along Now!'
Download from Amazon
’This is Jinsy' Series 1 DVD
Buy from Amazon
Info / Buy
Special release single feat. ROB BRYDON
Featuring Stephen Fry, Olivia Colman,Ben Miller, Derek Jacobi, Rob Brydon, Eileen Atkins, Greg Davies, Phil Davis, Stephen Mangan, Jennifer Saunders, Katy Brand and KT Tunstall
‘Female Badger'
’This is Jinsy' Series 2 DVD
Featuring David Tennant, Catherine Tate, Jennifer Saunders, Peter Serafinowicz, Simon Callow, Marcia Warren, Kevin Eldon,Don Warrington, Nigel Planer, Brian Murphy  Jane Horrocks and KT Tunstall
’This is Jinsy’ T-Shirts