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PARISHES - CIVVIERS

The Parish of Civviers lies if not at the heart of island industry and production, at least close to the pancreas. Once a barren and uncharted protrusion of the mess and tangle that prevails to this day under the name of ‘the parish of Kraw’, Civviers was rescued from its backward slump by the seventh Arbiter, Arbiter Onrunn, who stood at a mere four feet in height (but was enhanced by cleverly built-up shoes and corresponding shoulder, arm and neck pads). Onrunn was accidentally elected when the new pyramidal voting voucher system malfunctioned and hundreds of islanders who thought they were ‘putting a dimple’ on the lower pyramid for candidate Joor, in fact found their slips counted as a plus for ‘diminutive moaner’ (as a leading columnist for The Jinsy Informorant, dubbed him) Onrunn. Though hugely unpopular and accused of ‘never looking anyone in the eye’ (mainly because of his short stature), Onrunn did bring in the broom of change, sweeping away a lot of his native parish of Civvier’s unnecessary silt banks, weed clumps and brambles. Arbiter Onrunn is perhaps best known as the source of the Jinsy phrase or saying ‘What the Micker’s Blanket?!’, which now expresses general surprise or exasperation, but in fact refers to a massive piece of woven fabric commissioned by Onrunn to cover three quarters of the Parish during The Great Chill but which, due to inaccurate measurements, only managed to cover about half a small back garden. After the Great Clearance of 1440-foo-roo, The Stomm Building, Jinsy’s first industrial plant went up. Due to its extensive chimney-pipe system, this led to The Great Smoke of 1440-foo-roo, soon after. It took 43 islanders 12 days to relocate the factory through the dense fug. Ironically, the plant was at this time manufacturing chimney filters to curb excess smoking in residents’ chalets. Only a cycle later the Stomm building was taken over by Mr Meece Fyson, the first in a shortish line of entrepreneur/inventors who went on to produce such innovations as the tuneable hat, the steamcat and the remote controlled moppyslipper. The centre of Civviers was landscaped by renowned artiste ‘Monocularity’ Trott, named on account of his single eye, who envisioned a ‘diverting pasture of grizzled nooks, folds and jocular streamidges.’ The area is now better known as The Mud Park. Civviers boasts the thinnest hedgerow and the ugliest portrait, which currently hangs in the Parish Hut (near the stove) and depicts Mrs Hoppit, a popular singer and beauty. The picture is not believed to closely resemble its sitter, and critics have long argued as to which way up the canvas should actually hang.
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